“Young creative talent” (Taste The Difference Pea & Ham Soup)

Test food: Sainsbury’s Taste The Difference Pea & Ham Soup

Dream count #1

Dream: It’s a bit hazy, but the gist of it is that my Art Director (my creative partner at work) is 6 years old and too be honest, he’s showing me up… he’s coming up with all the best ideas and the creative director loves him. The only thing letting him down is that because he’s only six, he’s a bit rubbish and slow at drawing… kind of sticking his tongue out the side of his mouth to help him concentrate. And there I am just bullying to go faster and get our ideas done, not feeling guilty one bit.

“Thai Disaster” (Thai Green Prawn Curry)

Test food: Thai Green Curry with Prawns the size of Lobsters

Dream count #1

Dream: What a loser! I have a mildly spicy dinner and the only dream I can muster up is a derivative yawny and wanky Michael Bay-style disaster movie.

It starts off with two giant blue alien balloons floating down over the sea. There are some sentry guns on the shore line – kind of the piddly ones in Empire Strikes Back, when the giant AT-ATs are attacking the rebel base, that sound like a squidgy fart when they fire. Anyway, they splutter out these little orange orbs that float up to the balloons and explode them. Problem is that they’ve ended up releasing huge clouds of highly toxic gas – that old chestnut, eh…

So now there’s mass panic. People are running for their cars, trying to get to higher ground. (Doesn’t gas rise?) Anyway, I get into a car with this hysterical girl who’s freaking out. She starts driving all over the place and I have to calm her down and tell her we’re all going to be alright and that we can head for Alaska, where it’s safe.

Then I think the whole narrative gets a bit dull. And that’s when I wake up.

The end.

Wack.

“CIA Saussies” (Richmond Sausages with Mash)

Test food: Richmond Irish Recipe Sausages, Thickx4 with homemade mash.

Dream count #1

Dream: I’m back in my student hall walking back to my room. I walk in to find a Mexican-looking dude messing about with my computer.

“What are you doing mate?”, I ask.

“Just a regular IT system check-up”, he replies.

Never in my life have I heard of student accommodation with its own personal IT department. I knew he was up to no good.

“You’re lying, aren’t you? I’m calling security”, I retort, dialling the number on my phone. “What’s your name?”

“Which name? I have many,” he responds evasively. Not entirely convincing, eh! Anyway, just as I get through to security, the guy suddenly jumps out of the window. It’s eight storeys down but he bounces off an umbrella at the bottom, proper Jason Bourne styly.

I run down the stairs and into the lobby to chase him. He’s there but somehow has managed to swap his crappy airtex T-shirt into a right dapper light grey fitted suit, coiffed hair and gold-rimmed Hoxton Dandy spectacles. He slinks off into the crowded lobby bar (the student hall has of course somehow turned into a 4-star hotel). As I get my phone out again, someone hands me a piece of paper with a new number to call: none other than that of CIA Deputy Director Pam Landy, whom some of you may recognise from the Bourne films. The problem is though that the phone number consists of a mixture of numbers and letters – obviously as a security precaution since I’m trying to reach her through a hardline. And every time I try and type it in, I mess it up again.

I only get four in the right order before I wake up.

Taramasalata+Stella+Exorcist=?

Ruby suggested Taramasalata at the weekend, so Wednesday night I took the plunge… into a big old pink tub of fishy delight, all washed down with a £1 can of Stella while watching The Exorcist.

Test food: Sainsbury’s Taramasalata 230g, about 2/3 of a tub – about 1000 calories… Have it!

Dream count #1 decent one

Dream: I’m on a platform waiting for a train; there’s a guy sitting next to me. When I catch his eye, he explodes into a rage.

‘What you looking at, you tw*t, no seriously what you f**king looking at! Does everyone call you a tw*t? Like your dad? Would he call you a tw*t if he saw you on MTV?’

This last bit doesn’t make any sense but I’m not going to raise that with him.

Anyway he storms off still pointing his finger at me in a threatening manner, and boards a train. Then a guy and a girl come rushing down some steps to board the same train. Suddenly the guy slips and falls backwards, totally crushing the girl. He quickly gets up and after a brief apology legs it onto the train before the doors close. The girl, with a brave face, gets up and then promptly bursts into tears; we all rush to help her.

Another train pulls up, and the original sweary psycho gets off, this time accompanied by a couple of 18 year-old youths, each brandishing a large stone. By now, I’m also accompanied by a couple of friends and all I can do is apologise to them that everything is about to kick off and they’re probably going to have to help me.

Fortunately, I wake up before everything does kick off, thanks to my flatmate calling me on her mobile at 3.45am – she’s utterly smashed from her office party and has lost her keys, which I later found out was the least of her worries. Yikes…

Delusions of Dolma

My first ever post when it wasn’t from Sainsbury’s…

My excuse? It was 2.30 in the morning and Saino’s shuts at 11.
So I ate this instead, mmm:

It’s called Dolma and it’s the finest food that Gizel Kebab could muster.

Test food: Gizel Kebab Dolma

Ingredients: Vine leaves, onion, parsley, herbs and spices… I think!

Dream count #1

Dream: I’m very excited that my new iPhone app video is getting loads of hits on Youtube suddenly – literally thousands. Apparently it’s loads of girls in Japan who are going bonkers over it because they think I’m Prince William.

Now I do admit it it does all seem a bit narcissistic but you’ll all agree my latest piccie on Facebook proves distinctly otherwise:

Hall of dreams – Top 10

Here’s my top 10 savoury dreams so far – Let me know which one’s your favourite in the comments…

1. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!” (Chicken & Bacon Ravioli)

2. “What the fig?” (Fig Rolls)

3. “A ‘cheese’ that delivers” (Vanilla Cheesecake)

4. “Spices of Satan” (Kate’s ‘Lamb Meatball Surprise’)

5. “Underwater meat farms” (Jelly Babies with Spicy Pizza)

6. “Briefed in the shower” (King Prawns & Plum Tomatoes)

7. “Sausages create tomatoes?” (Sausages)

8. “Is this actually funny?” (Chicken & Broccoli Breaded Cakes)

9. “Colin Salmon?” (Salmon Fillet, lightly smoked)

10. “Fried egg sweet dreams” (Boursin)

“Is this actually funny?” (Chicken & Broccoli Breaded Cakes)

Dream food: Sainsbury’s exclusive new Chicken & Broccoli breaded cakes x 2, Garlic baguette x 2/3

Dream count #1 (Well two, but the first one was crap)

Dream: I’m standing at the end of this pier about 100 feet up from the water. There’s a rickety little shack in front of me with the door open. There’s a guy standing there in his boxers – he’s just woken up and next to him are two female roomies who are also just waking up. But then, as they get to their feet off the bed, he just rams them both through the flimsy wall of the hut and they go flying 100 feet down into the water. Honestly, it looks like some crazy stunt from a JCVD movie. And this dude, he just stands there pissing himself laughing.

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